Is Marring More Than One Wife Good or Bad? SEE The Facts

Polygamy needs no introduction, especially in our part of the world. There are varied forms of polygamy, what we practice in our culture is that arrangement which allows a man to take on, or rather, marry more than one wife. And while this practice seems no longer fashionable, due largely to cultural and religious shifts, factors against it have not been overwhelming enough to cause a radical and total change of general perception.

Even the Bible famously quoted as anti-polygamy has not been enough deterrent for its faithful to abide with monogamy. The story of Bisola and Akin resonated the debate on this topic mid last year. Bisola, after several years of struggling with the fact that her husband was not faithful to their vows finally discovered the evidence right inside her home.

Akin was in fact, raising another family besides the one they have together...

Threatening hail and brimstone, Bisola has been throwing all sorts of tantrums known with women with her experience. I asked readers these questions among others. If a wife can share her husband with his girlfriend in silence, why should she raise dust or feel threatened if he takes her as a wife?

Are girlfriends less dangerous than wives?
Can someone out there just sincerely tell me what our headache really is about polygamy, besides religion? Should women walk out of their marriages because their husbands took other wives? The responses were amazing as well as diverse. Several of them have already been published over time, even though a long list still remains.

As I have said, this topic is a contemporary issue and we will be exchanging views on it for a long time.

by Aunty Yetunde

Dear Yetunde,
I have read two previous editions of your column on this same important but often derided topic. Only this time, I wish to chip in my own contribution, with the hope that you will find somewhere to squeeze it in. I have always said that Nigerian are hypocrites and for as long as we remain the way we are, we will continue to go on a merry-go-round, not achieving anything.

It is this same hypocrisy that has pervaded all aspects of our lives as a nation. Without bothering to take you through some of the points already mentioned by other contributors in support of polygamy, I will just raise a few of the issues we always fail to look at and which are actually the main crusts of the matter.

1) Both the much touted religions, Islam and Christianity are alien to our land. Those who introduced them to us do not practice them with the same doggedness that we do, neither do they place religion above the society and constitution of their land.

2) Polygamy, the desire or ability or preference for multiple sex partners is a human trait. Men are polygamous by nature. We will desire and be attracted to more than one sex partner in our lifetime. It is individual self discipline coupled by other factors such as societal norms, culture, tradition and religion, not forgetting social class and economic power, that will determine how we go about fulfilling this desire.

3) Monogamy is a contraption designed by the West to control their economy and social life. To ensure that monogamy is embraced by their people, they put certain things in place, such as welfare packages available to legally married women and their children. Meaning that in many countries of the West, only this category of women were entitled to social support from the state.

Divorce is an important instrument used by the West to provide succour for those no longer interested in monogamous relationships. A man or woman who finds himself no longer in love or desirous of a partner can seek divorce and look for another. It is approved by their law and their society and ladies are not stigmatised over there. But in Nigeria a lady sent out by her husband and divorced is a big problem.
- Adegbenro S. Aliu.

Dear Yetunde,
Polygamy or monogamy is individual choice. Monogamy is a Western way of life. Even the worst atheist in the West sticks to monogamy because it is their way of life and not because he believes in God.

Again, male are naturally polygamous. No person can wish that away. Polygamy for some men even extend their life span, according to a recent study. So, this talk about polygamy being a sin I don't understand. What would have been a sin is if men take vow at the altar that they would not marry another wife. But then, the man only promises to love the woman till death do them part. It does not exclude loving another woman. Thank you.
- Nwoke Nwanyi

I think anyone who want to do something will find a way to justify and defend it. Each man to his decision!