When I was writing my lead post of Sunday on men's age, look and money (
read it HERE), I didn't know it would be such a helpful piece to a lot of people, especially my female readers. But I got a message from a woman who said some of the things I wrote there are what she is battling with her husband.
He was one of those handsome dudes back then and used to take her to expensive restaurants while they were dating and she really enjoyed herself. But just 5 years into their marriage the guy is broke. He has failed in two different businesses in the last two years, he got a job but his salary is less than 80k and can't meet up with the rents and daily up keeps, not to talk of any form of enjoyment.
He's a guy who spent "large" just 6 years ago when he made money from deals; but no real life skills.
- below is a message a mature lady who is also facing financial stress sent to ’NIMI AKINKUGBE:
Good Morning Nimi,
I’m writing because I literally don’t know what else to do and I am too ashamed to talk to anyone I know about this.
I will be 30 years old in a few months and I have no savings whatsoever…not even N1! I have been living a lie for so long, keeping up appearances and giving the impression to others that all is well. I have no excuse; I have been working in a reputable bank for nearly six years and have absolutely nothing to show for it. Sometimes I save enough to go on vacation and then spend all my savings shopping. I am the eldest child. Sometimes I lend money to my parents or pay my sister’s school fees. Recently, I contributed N240,000 towards my sister’s wedding. I am on three bridal trains this year and have spent about N50,000 on Aso-ebi for each of them. I borrow whenever I can and live from paycheck to paycheck.
I hate my job and cannot see myself doing it for much longer…I practically drag myself out of bed each day and the thought of being away from the job, even though I am completely broke, gives me peace of mind. I know my life will be hard without any source of income but at this point I almost don’t care.
I have actually been tempted to find a rich boyfriend, but that is not me. I honestly need help, as I feel like I’m drowning and cannot save myself. I read your newspaper column and writing to you seemed like a good idea.
- Charity
Dear Charity,
Thank you very much for your email. I am touched by your story and want you to know that you are not alone in your plight. Far too many young people, even those who are employed, are always broke. If you are unable to save from the N260,000 that you currently earn, it will not be any different even if you earn N1,000,000 a month. Here are a few tips to help you get out of this rut as you strive for financial security.
Track your spendingWrite down every single thing that you buy, for a whole month; this will give you a clearer idea of what you need to cut back on or do without altogether.
Establish a budgetOne of the best ways to rein in your spending is to budget. List all your routine monthly expenses, and other spending, and subtract those amounts from your income. Making small, manageable changes to your expenses, can have a huge impact on your finances.
Prioritise your spendingThe key is to begin to differentiate between wants and needs. If there is an item that you have set your mind on, ask yourself if you really need it. It is nice to eat out but it needn’t be every day.
Pay yourself firstDon’t wait until the end of the month to try to save; there will be nothing left. Put your savings on autopilot; set up a standing order from your current account to a savings account or a mutual fund each month. This will form the foundation of your savings. It will not be easy, but once you get started you will see the savings growing and this will encourage you to continue.
I admire your generosity and it is a privilege to be able to support your family. However, if you are bankrupt and become ill or depressed due to stress, your family will be far worse off. You cannot afford to pay for everything; determine what you can afford and include that in your budget. If the bride and groom and other family members cannot afford a lavish wedding then they might need to work with a smaller budget or postpone the wedding.
Your choice of friends can have a huge impact on your life. Spend time with those that encourage and motivate you to achieve your goals. If you are constantly under pressure to “keep up with the Joneses,” you will have little chance of financial stability and it is time to withdraw from such relationships.
Your admission of your financial problems is a positive start and an indication that you can solve them. The art of saving, like any skill, takes some effort and sacrifice. Investing even small amounts of money regularly whilst you are young will grow into a significant sum over time. The sooner you start saving, the better. With determination, consistency and discipline, you can do it.
I look forward to speaking with you on the telephone to see how you are doing.
Best wishes,
Nimi Akinkugbe- Those of us who have the privilege of being breadwinners of our family should be more careful. If you are a guy, don't for any reason disclose all your sources of income to a girl out of love, keep her guessing how much you have in your account. In fact let your money be invincible to her until you are sure that she is responsible and will work with you in sincerity, and not just after your cash. Be guided!
